Miscarriage is a heavy topic. It’s also not talked about like it should be, so even though it’s heavy, I’m posting this because we need to hear about it.
I’ve never lost a baby, so why am I writing about this? So many of my friends have lost one or more of their children, and because no one talks about it, it’s hard to know how to support these mamas. Binding up wounds and ministering to the brokenhearted isn’t a cause that’s hard to get behind, but it IS hard to know how to do practically.
This post summarizes wisdom and ideas from women I know about how you can best care for your friends and family as they navigate these tough situations.
*Disclaimer: Some of the links you see may be affiliate links. All that means is if you click through and end up making a purchase, I’ll earn a commission.
Pray for Them
No matter how you practice faith, your friends and family will appreciate your thoughts. If they believe in the power of prayer, they’ll appreciate it even more. If prayer isn’t your style, try one of these other uplifting ways to tell them you’re thinking of them.
Ask Them What They Need--and Keep Asking
Often your friend won’t know what to ask for at first. Experiencing loss is overwhelming, and there’s a grieving process that they have to go through. Eventually they will start figuring out what they need, though. That’s right about the time everyone else starts to move on and they feel forgotten.
The important thing is for you to let them know they aren’t forgotten. Months later, if you can send a text to say that you’re here if they need anything, they may be inclined to let you know a specific need. Even if they don’t, you might offer a specific help, rather than just the general “What can I do?” Try saying, “Can I bring your family dinner on Wednesday?” Or “I can pick up your kids from school on Friday so you can have a little time to yourself!”
Write the anniversary of the child’s passing on your calendar so that you can send a card or give them a call the following year. While everyone else may have moved on, they will still be remembering what they were going through a year ago, two years ago, etc. Use their child’s name specifically, to show them that you remember the tiny little person they miss so much.
Turn to Organizations for Support
There are specific non-profit organizations that are set up to help mamas who are grieving the loss of a child. Hope Mommies is one, and they provide Hope Boxes to grieving mothers. They also invite these moms into their community so they can be with others who understand loss. You can send a Hope Box through their website, or even connect your friend with someone at Hope Mommies who can check in with them from time to time.
Check to see if your friend knows about grief support groups, too. GriefShare is one program that helps people navigate the hurt of losing someone they love.
Send a Care Package
If you’re far away or you don’t interact in person a lot, you can still send a gift that will remind your friend that you love and support her. Include a kind note, along with comforting gifts. Here are some ideas of what to put in the care package, from moms who have experienced loss:
Something comfortable to wear
Something that smells nice
Indulgent snacks (keep in mind dietary restrictions)
A gift card for a meal if you don’t want to cook one
The book Grace Like Scarlett by Adriel McIntosh Booker
Local flowers
Spa items like: lotion, lip balm, tissues, soft socks
Necklace or jewelry
Help your friends feel seen and validated when you bring them a gift to let them know you care.
Supporting Those You Love
This heartbreak journey isn’t one your friends have to go on alone. Even if you’ve never experienced what they’re going through, being there for them is still important. You can be a listening ear, even if you have no advice to offer. Be someone who sits through awkward or sad times with your friend and lets them grieve as they need to without feeling guilty for making you feel uncomfortable.
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For other posts on difficult parenting, check out these other posts:
*Disclaimer: Some of the links you see may be affiliate links. All that means is if you click through and end up making a purchase, I’ll earn a commission.