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  • Writer's pictureA Wild Lass

A Collection of Funny Toasts for Friends

No blog post from someone with a basement bar would be complete without a (perhaps slightly inappropriate) post about the best toasts for drinking with friends.

Be warned, if you aren’t okay with a little off-color humor, you may want to skip this post and check out a different one, like our latest kitchen ideas: Spooky Meals for Halloween Even Kids Will Eat. Even if you’re reading this after Halloween is over, the recipes are sure to get them to at least try what you made for dinner.

But back to funny toasts for friends: when you pour and serve a drink, it’s natural to raise your glass and say something, either meaningful or funny. We like to err on the funny side. Here are some of our favorites.

*Disclaimer: Some of the links you see may be affiliate links. All that means is if you click through and end up making a purchase, I’ll earn a commission.

Toasts for Specific Types of Alcohol

For tequila: “Arriba! Abajo! Al centro! Adentro!” translates to “Up, down, in the middle, inside.” We love to use this toast when we have tacos and margaritas. As you say each one, stand in a circle and lift your glass up, down, together in the middle, and then drink. If you have beer bottles, touch the mouthpiece first, then the bottoms of the bottle, then rub the middles together, then drink.

For wine, try this droll turn of phrase: “It matters not if the wine glass is half empty or half full. Clearly there’s room for more!”

Try this one from the friend who is particularly choosy about their brand of alcohol: “You’re a gentleman and a scholar, and a good judge of bad liquor.”

Here’s one for rum: “May your anchor be tight, your cork be loose, your rum be spiced, and your compass be true.”

For beer: “Here’s to lobster tail and beer, three of my favorite things.”

Here’s a couple for whiskey, just because: “Most problems can be solved by whiskey or nudity, or both.” And “My demons can’t swim in whiskey, but they sure try.”

Some say that gin is a drink for those who think sin should always be accompanied by its penance. It happens to be my favorite; it’s what Holly Golightly drinks in Breakfast at Tiffany’s, and according to Winston Churchill it’s saved more English citizens than their doctors have. Here’s a toast for gin, fitting that it is a quote from Albert Camus, the great existentialist: “Fortunately there is gin, the sole glimmer in this darkness. Do you feel the golden, copper-colored light it kindles in you? I like walking through the city of an evening in the warmth of gin.”

Another famous author, George Eliot (who was really a woman), said: “There’s truth in wine, and there may be some in gin and muddy beer; but whether it’s truth worth my knowing, is another question.”

Classic Toasts

If you’ve ever seen the Big Bang Theory, you probably learned from Priya and Sheldon where the word “toast” got its derivation. Yet some of these classic one liners have lost their origins to time and history. No matter where they came from, they’re still pretty classic. Check it out:

Here's a tried and true toast: "To our wives and girlfriends…may they never meet."

Here'a tongue twister that's oh so perfect: "I drink to myself and another, and may that other be he who drinks to himself and another, and may that other be me."

Humorist and Pulitzer Prize winner Herb Caen, Mr. San Francisco himself, had a favorite toast that I think is great for lovers: “Here’s to roses and lilies in bloom, and you in my arms and me in your room. A door that is locked, a key that is lost, a bird and a bottle and a bed that is tossed. And a night that is 50 years long.”

Funny Toasts for Friends When You’re Feeling Feisty

One of my favorite toasts I learned in college is definitely for when you’re feeling feisty (or frisky). It goes like this: “Here’s to fire. Not the kind that burns down shacks and shanties, but the fire of desire that burns down pants and panties.”

Here’s another great toast for an extra great party night: “Here’s to the floor, who will hold you when no one else will. May we get what we want, but never what we deserve.”

If you're sure to stay late into the night and regret it tomorrow, how about this: "Another day, another bender. No retreat, no surrender."

This one is funny: "To the kisses we’ve snatched, and vice versa."

Here’s one I heard at a tailgate once: “Win or lose, we booze!”

We highly recommend not saying this one at the wedding, but if you’re at the bachelor party ahead of time, try raising a glass and saying: “To the three rings of marriage: the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering!”

And here’s one more for a good night with friends: “May you work like you don’t need the money, love like you’ve never been hurt, dance like no one is watching, screw like it’s being filmed, and drink like a true Irishman.”

A Few Heartfelt Toasts for Good Measure

Most people who want to express something heartfelt in more than a text message might write a letter, but if you’re getting ready to give a planned toast at a party or a wedding, you may need more than the funny options above. Below are some heartfelt ways to communicate your feelings. There’s also a related post to help you become more practiced and comfortable with speaking in public.

It’s never a good idea to talk too much about past escapades in your wedding toasts. Save that for the bachelorette party. However, if you want to refer to those fun times without being too racy, try this: “We lit the candle from both ends. It wouldn’t last all night, but ah my fellows and my friends, the flame it burned so bright.”

Try one more: "May the roof above these friends never fall in, and may the friends beneath this roof never fall out."

Raise Your Glass

No matter what occasion you’re toasting at, we hope these funny toasts for friends help you find the right words for the moment. Let us know how it goes: post a comment below or on our socials.




Read more about cocktails and kitchen fun on our blog:

From Our Bar to Yours: Spooky Cocktails for Halloween

Halloween Candy Recipes

Easy Kids’ Costumes to Make or Buy This Halloween

A Collection of Family Costumes

The Best Meatloaf Recipe (Especially for Wild Game)

In Celebration of Coffee

Coronavirus Hobbies: Cooking

Homemade Cookies: Conquering Perfect Mom Syndrome

*Disclaimer: Some of the links you see may be affiliate links. All that means is if you click through and end up making a purchase, I’ll earn a commission.

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